Questionable Justice?

Life's really frustrating me at the moment.. Haunting, Daunting.. But what can I do but smile at what I have left? Pretty much nothing.. I don't want to be so.. pessimistic and negative these days.. but I cant help it..

Bombarded by the stressed of HSC and the forced will to do good is really draining my energy.. Bec officially came back.. And the moment I saw her in the house when I came home from my studies I asked my mum why she was here.. "Shes only here for dinner is that answer good enough for you?" honestly.. what does that mean? is that answer good enough for me? >< However, there was change in her.. her attitude.. extremely snobby.. acting high and mighty.. demanding.. So what does she does now? Nothing.. After dropping out.. without a job.. she's back from her lil "vacation" and lies in bed all day with the tv next to her watching drama.. Talk about a good life..

Next day I told my mum to go shopping with me and my sister came along.. we passed the pet store to ask some questions for our pup.. and Bec sees a husky on sale.. she demands for it.. How the hell are we able to own such a large dog?! Its not within our financial abilities!! She starts tearing up.. starts to cry.. Mum weakens.. and tells me to cheer her up.. ME?! SHE WANTS ME TO CHEER HER UP COZ SHE CANT GETS WHAT SHE WANTS!? what has she done to deserve all of this?! Mum then proceeds to tell me to don't just walk out of the store and talk to her.. Oh gosh.. Not like I'm being mean but I really don't have all the time to sweeten a girl who just came back without being questioned!!

So what's the questionable justice you ask? Last night was the first night we argued since Bec left.. I've been trying extremely hard to keep this nice relationship with my mum because I know shes stressed and despite how hard it is to cope with her at times I still do because she's my mum and I love her.. though.. now Becs back, I, the substitute is tossed away.. What was the argument about? Well after intense study I decided to take a night walk outside with a neighbour who's in the same grade as me.. and after that decided to chill the night with a movie back at his place since we don't have an exam the next day.. I came home a lil later than I should have but my mum starts calling me a slut!! Quote: "Why are you so cheap?! You are such a slut!!" ... BANG!!! My heart just shatters at that.. A mother.. can put down her daughter.. but to lower her to the standard of a slut? Does she not understand how much it can kill her daughter inside? I couldn't hold it any longer I snapped back Quote:"Me? Out of all people you can not call me a slut!! I am far from a slut!! Why did you call me a slut?! How can you degrade me to that level?!" Immediately after I ran into the toilet and locked myself in.. whilst I hear my mothers rages on the other side of the door.. endless tears streamed down my face.. I couldn't hold that pain any longer..

So my sister.. is the good one.. I lose to her in every way.. Even to the guy I love.. Today I was at UTS Library since 11am to 8pm at night.. He came to visit me.. however we didn't talk much since I was studying.. A few minutes after he gave me a call.. Thinking it was important.. Negative.. He was asking me what Bec's number was because he needs to look for her and it was urgent.. So.. even to him I lose against her.. But that's another story.. I came home after the long day of pure maths.. I left my keys at home.. so I rang the doorbell and my mum opens the door to only be welcomed by her cold glare and her ignoring me.. I noticed Bec wasn't home yet.. She too did not have keys when she came home and rang the doorbell.. Similarly my mum opened the door and welcomed her with warm conversations and hot soup and prepared fruit she already cut up.. You say Jealousy?! This time I'll admit it.. I am jealous.. but what have I done to deserve this injustice?

What else is she going to take from me?! I'm pretty much failing in my HSC because of the over stress I'm undergoing.. I really don't know how long I can hold up..

Sorry guys.. I really can't remain cheerful after today.. I've been smiling and cheerful to my friends today.. I'm absolutely wiped out >< Gotta go now.. I have a Mathematics Extension I exam early tomorrow.. Lets see how long I can hang on..

<3 Be.

Pathetic..

HeyHeyHey~!!! ^^ yes.. taking another break from my studies.. English paper 2 is on Monday and I've got three essays that I have to remember by tomorrow!! *groans*
So you're probably wondering why this blog is called.. Pathetic right? Well.. my sister [Bec] just dropped by... After having disappeared with no information from her whatsoever.. She just called to say she was in front of our house.. She came in as if it was natural, she even brought in some soup she made.. honestly.. this is the first time I've heard about her cooking anything...

And as figured it wouldn't be her if she doesn't come for something.. right? As she leaves.. I hear my mum in the background shoving her some money and telling her not to let me know because I would rage.. I wont rage.. it's my mums money.. but honestly.. pathetic.. who am I referring to? Both.

Why Bec's pathetic?
Pathetic for coming back.. having to have achieved nothing and only asking for something,
Pathetic for telling mum to pay her to get her drivers license a second time because the money mum gave last time was spent on something else.. Pathetic because i see her coming back wearing minimal clothing plus nails with black edges? Pathetic because the person who drove her here was the guy who dumped her and threatening our whole family with horrible things that I am not gonna mention? And Pathetic because every single time she comes she seems to have think shes won again because she gotten something..

Despite her being my mum and everything, and as a daughter it is disrespectful for saying this.. but mum too.. is pathetic..
Pathetic for falling for her traps time and time again, Pathetic to lie to me.. [the one who tries so hard to make everything ok], Pathetic to tell bec not to tell me!!, Pathetic to offer her food on the way home, Pathetic to give her the limited money we have left..

I'm speechless.. our family isn't currently financially stable.. and we've been through many times where we have to move in order to pay our debts.. I work extra days even during my HSC to earn myself money so mum can support one less child.. Having to watch my family fall apart.. not being able to do much.. Burns my heart inside.. feelings so pathetic myself.. how ironic..

This blog's.. too depressing.. its just been so hard lately to smile in front of everyone anymore.. no matter how much i tell myself.. to just keep smiling or else people around you would feel sad.. and further more.. i'll then become the burden.. so i keep telling myself.. no matter what happens.. i have to keep smiling because.. i can't be selfish..

I'm saying too much, this is more than i hoped to say.. i should stop before i open to much.. and in the end.. get hurt..

So.. ^^ Happy Studying Guys!! Your future can only be determined with what you do!! So take risks, accept chances and do everythign to her fullest with NO regrets!!!

Much Love~
Be. <3

Time Flies..

My!!My!! Time really does pass by fast huh? I mean.. we've all been so busy none of us could really post something up xD~ HSC is fast approaching.. and i'm getting a stomach ache just thinking about >< *sick face*.. I'm just taking a break from my studies and this blog suddenly crossed my mind.. so i decided to leave a lil mark on this seksi page!! YUM!!

Well.. where to start.. I'll make it short coz i've gotta get back to the books.. well as everyone knows about my troublesome sister.. yea her.. well 2 months back shes officially left our household and is currently running wild in the outside world.. where she is? she wont tell.. Mums been keeping in contact with her.. she does come back to visit every now and then (eg. bby sister's bday).. but thats wat makes me wonder.. she never liked mum.. so why is she still keepign in contact with her.. but now i know.. Recently she came back and ask for her passport and birth certificate because she wants to apply for her driver's licence [bad idea!!].. yea.. figured.. the moment shes gotten those shes disappeared.. as in.. no more contacting with us or mum.. gone. doesnt reply on msn or her phone.. wait.. more like she changed her number for the umptheeth time!!

*sigh* naive mum.. but i guess we can't blame her.. i mean that is her daughter.. obviously she really cares and really wants her back.. but she just gets tricked over and over again by her!!

But then again.. life has been a little more peaceful.. no offense or anything.. but its like.. less drama in my household.. though.. because usually i need to stress about my hsc and the girl who keeps running away.. oh my mother whos suffering from depression.. and that i tell you can get pretty bad.. ><

Mum however is cheering up a bit more lately.. though she does ask about bec often.. at least shes not worried sick every night.. she's also been going to church on Sunday mornings.. sometimes i think she's just in need of something to hold on to.. to give her that last hope.. i mean.. if god can give her that hope [i personally don't believe in god] then.. I'll support her all the way despite her attempts into getting me to join her == i refuse!! been once.. and i was bored out of my mind!! to me they seem to just brainwash those who a weaker emotionally.. take advantage of their beliefs.. OK HOLD IT GUYS!! I'm not bad mouthing them ok?! this is coming from my point of view.. so.. don't take offense to it!!

Anyway.. I've gotta shove my face back into my books now.. I know its short and all.. but I'll refill on our crazy life after our HSC and maybe our desperate survival though it xD Can't wait for the parties screaming for my name on the other side of the finishing line!!!
Yayerz!!!

KEEP SMILING PEEPS COZ I'M WITH YOU WHERE EVER YOU GO!!!!
p.s I'm a stalker~ *innocent face*

p.p.s SHOUT OUT TO JAY AND QUEENIE!!! STUDY HARD GIRLS AND LET OUR HARD WORK PAY OFF LOVE YOU BOTH AND SEE YOU AFTER HSC!!! yes Viv i won't forget you.. *spine breaking hug* i fking love u!!!! excuse my language but its the only word i can think of to describe my love for you~ hehe

<3 Be.

Keeping this blog alive

Hello hello!

Haha...I haven't been on this blogger for ages, let alone on this blog. But yes, we really should keep this blog alive. I mean, it's got some potential, we just actually have to commit to it ^^. So I'll shall start this ball rolling and hopefully someone will continue.

Sooo...the most recent thing that has happened within our family has got to be the arrival of the infamous Heather who has always been the talk of around the parents, the one who is very smart and studied in Canada. First up, I have to explain that how she is related to us. Bear in mind, this might get a little confusing.

Our grandfather had 3 wives, as you would've known if you had read one of the earliest post in this blog. 2 of the wives were twins. One of the twins is me and jay's grandmother. And the other is queenie's and jackie's grandmother. In actual fact, they are all our grandmothers but let's get a little technical here I suppose. And so, the third wife, who mind you, none of us has really met before, is Heather's grandmother. And thus, out of all of this mess,  I hope you can come to the conclusion that she is our cousin. Haha...what a round about way of saying it aye?

Anyways, I must admit that I wasn't very excited to meet her. I have never met her before, so i didn't know what she was like and judging by how our last cousin, Catilyn turned out, you couldn't blame me for keeping up a barrier in case something similar happened once again.

Thankfully it did not. It was jay and queenie who got to know Heather well and soon they were attached at the hip. I must admit, I became quite attached myself once I got to know her. She is 25 years old but acts around the same age as us cousins, maybe even a little less mature than me. Haha...she's very out-going, kind and easy to talk to. We've come to know each other a great deal over these past weeks, especially Jay who loves to ask her questions :)

It was from one of the questions that we asked her, that we came to the realisation that 10 years ago, she was actually suppose to come study in Australia. What happened was, some mess up happened somewhere in the middle of transferring paper work. And because Heather needed to finalise her placement quickly, my auntie in Canada quickly finalised paperwork in Canada and so she was sent there instead.

To think that, 10 years ago, she could've already been here is quite shocking. How different would things be? Would they be different at all or would it be the same, just with an extra cousin to bond with? Fate sure is unpredictable.

But she's here now. And it has been extremely fun hanging out with her, especially since she is staying at me and jay's house, so we get to bug her at night. Of course, it's not exactly the best thing since I get distracted from my studies, but it is definitely more important, in terms of priorities.

The sad thing is, she is leaving the day after tomorrow. It has been a short but sweet time together, but all too soon, she has to return to Hong Kong. There is definitely a part of me that wishes that she could stay here, but the realistic part of me knows that sooner or later she would have to return, and in this case, it's just sooner than later.

So yeah, I know that this definitely won't be the end, especially since we have formed a special attachment to her, something which isn't exactly a good thing. I'm sure we'll keep in contact and we'll visit one another soon enough.

Okay. That's me for today! I hope i haven't bore you to death.

Byyeee
~Viv

Tis been a while

well i originally wrote something longish but i just deleted it all by mistake. sigh anyway i just wanted to say that we should try to make an effort to keep this blog alive. Love, jess. :)

Puzzle Buzzle

Hello lovelys!

It's been a long time since any of us have posted hasn't it? If i recall correctly, i think i was the last to post. Hm...hopefully this blog won't be ditched already!

Anyways, as i'm sure you guys can see, I finally finished the puzzle, with the help of Jay. I actually finished it quite a while ago, but i just haven't had the chance (more like couldn't be bothered :P) to post it up. But I just finished my tutoring homework and thought I should post it up.

It's a lovely picture, props to Jackie who helped choose it. It's actually sitting on the floor in the study where it has been since the cousin outing. I would frame it, but it actually cost quite a bit to buy a frame, money which i really can't afford. But i don't wanna kill it yet coz it's taken a lot of hard work to put it together. I don't exactly know what to do with it, but it'll probably end up back in its boz like the other puzzle i made :D If you guys have any suggestions, please do tell because it would really be a shame to break it after all the hard work put into putting it together.

Anyways, i better go now, i wanna sleep early today :)

Night night lovely people

~Viv

Our sleepover

Hey lovelys,

I know i know! It's nearly been a week since our sleepover, but you know, a girl has a lot of things to do :D But the day has finally arrived for some of our photos of the night to be posted online for you guys all to see :)

The night was a most memorable one. It started off with a little family get together with us and our grandmas at hot pot. It was very tasty and we had lots of fun laughing, chatting and joking around. That night, we paid for the meal too! How proud we are to finally be able to pay for a meal dedicated to our lovely grandmas. Of course, they tried to resist too, nagging about the amount of food we were ordering and trying to pay for the meal themselves (I saw my grandma counting money in the car -_-) grr...but we kept our eyes out and managed to pay for the meal!

We also bought junk food for the night ahead, heads up to Jackie who did the honours and bought a lot of stuff...which we still have at our house...

But yeah, after buying our final touch of junk food (hot chocolate, coz you can't have a sleepover without it), we managed to arrive safely back to our house...after a little bit of trouble in finding transport.

Our first event was, of course, MONOPOLY! Sadly, we did not get to see the highly praised Pokemon Monopoly, but the monopoly we bought ourselves was good enough for us. It started off with a lot of energy, lots of swearing and yelling at each other. But soon...the energy started to fizz out and by the end of it, everyone seemed out of it and a little out of the mood.

Sooo...the brighten things up a little, we decided to drink some hot chocolate. Mmmm...the delicious smell of the caramel hot chocolate was to die for! Queenie drank nearly all of her hot chocolate before i even finished making mine! Haha...it was divine!

We then marched upstairs and into the study where we worked steadily on a 500 piece puzzle that we all chipped in to buy. While we were working on the puzzle, each of us took turns to post on this blog...as you would have noticed from the previous blog. We also opened a bag of lollies...the only junk food we ate that night...hence, the leftovers that are still at my house...not that i really mind. I've just been pigging out on it..hehe

Of course, we didn't end up finishing the puzzle...i suppose we got a little under halfway. But I present to you guys.....

Drum roll please!

Our puzzle! (Shot in different angles, curteously to me and jackie)

Oh...and featuring Jackie's Ipod :D

Yep yep....of course, we soon grew tired of that and retired to our bedroom. Which after much moving and changing, turned into a sleepover area, with a queen bed mattress on the floor, moved from my room.

We decided to get changed and ready for bed *cough cough*

And ended up taking some luvos, which I now present to you after much waiting and anticipation :D

Ahh...this is the first time we are meeting you guys...visually. So i suppose i should introduce us so you guys can tell who we are. It's not exactly the best first impression of us but it'll do :)

So...at the back, making a failed heart due to someone's head, is me, Viv :)
The one holding the photo and sticking her tongue out is Jay
The one in blue, who is also sticking her tongue out, on Jay's left is Jackie.
Which leaves Queenie, who is the one on Jay's right smiling cutely at the camera.

Nice to meet you :D

After this, we ended up fooling around for a bit before drifting off into lala land...at around...4 in the morning, to get re-energised for the next day...

But..that's a story for another day as it is rather late and I am getting very tired. Phew...who knew uploading photos on this blog would be so tiring.

That's it from me for today :)

Signing off

~Viv ^-^