Pathetic..

HeyHeyHey~!!! ^^ yes.. taking another break from my studies.. English paper 2 is on Monday and I've got three essays that I have to remember by tomorrow!! *groans*
So you're probably wondering why this blog is called.. Pathetic right? Well.. my sister [Bec] just dropped by... After having disappeared with no information from her whatsoever.. She just called to say she was in front of our house.. She came in as if it was natural, she even brought in some soup she made.. honestly.. this is the first time I've heard about her cooking anything...

And as figured it wouldn't be her if she doesn't come for something.. right? As she leaves.. I hear my mum in the background shoving her some money and telling her not to let me know because I would rage.. I wont rage.. it's my mums money.. but honestly.. pathetic.. who am I referring to? Both.

Why Bec's pathetic?
Pathetic for coming back.. having to have achieved nothing and only asking for something,
Pathetic for telling mum to pay her to get her drivers license a second time because the money mum gave last time was spent on something else.. Pathetic because i see her coming back wearing minimal clothing plus nails with black edges? Pathetic because the person who drove her here was the guy who dumped her and threatening our whole family with horrible things that I am not gonna mention? And Pathetic because every single time she comes she seems to have think shes won again because she gotten something..

Despite her being my mum and everything, and as a daughter it is disrespectful for saying this.. but mum too.. is pathetic..
Pathetic for falling for her traps time and time again, Pathetic to lie to me.. [the one who tries so hard to make everything ok], Pathetic to tell bec not to tell me!!, Pathetic to offer her food on the way home, Pathetic to give her the limited money we have left..

I'm speechless.. our family isn't currently financially stable.. and we've been through many times where we have to move in order to pay our debts.. I work extra days even during my HSC to earn myself money so mum can support one less child.. Having to watch my family fall apart.. not being able to do much.. Burns my heart inside.. feelings so pathetic myself.. how ironic..

This blog's.. too depressing.. its just been so hard lately to smile in front of everyone anymore.. no matter how much i tell myself.. to just keep smiling or else people around you would feel sad.. and further more.. i'll then become the burden.. so i keep telling myself.. no matter what happens.. i have to keep smiling because.. i can't be selfish..

I'm saying too much, this is more than i hoped to say.. i should stop before i open to much.. and in the end.. get hurt..

So.. ^^ Happy Studying Guys!! Your future can only be determined with what you do!! So take risks, accept chances and do everythign to her fullest with NO regrets!!!

Much Love~
Be. <3