Questionable Justice?

Life's really frustrating me at the moment.. Haunting, Daunting.. But what can I do but smile at what I have left? Pretty much nothing.. I don't want to be so.. pessimistic and negative these days.. but I cant help it..

Bombarded by the stressed of HSC and the forced will to do good is really draining my energy.. Bec officially came back.. And the moment I saw her in the house when I came home from my studies I asked my mum why she was here.. "Shes only here for dinner is that answer good enough for you?" honestly.. what does that mean? is that answer good enough for me? >< However, there was change in her.. her attitude.. extremely snobby.. acting high and mighty.. demanding.. So what does she does now? Nothing.. After dropping out.. without a job.. she's back from her lil "vacation" and lies in bed all day with the tv next to her watching drama.. Talk about a good life..

Next day I told my mum to go shopping with me and my sister came along.. we passed the pet store to ask some questions for our pup.. and Bec sees a husky on sale.. she demands for it.. How the hell are we able to own such a large dog?! Its not within our financial abilities!! She starts tearing up.. starts to cry.. Mum weakens.. and tells me to cheer her up.. ME?! SHE WANTS ME TO CHEER HER UP COZ SHE CANT GETS WHAT SHE WANTS!? what has she done to deserve all of this?! Mum then proceeds to tell me to don't just walk out of the store and talk to her.. Oh gosh.. Not like I'm being mean but I really don't have all the time to sweeten a girl who just came back without being questioned!!

So what's the questionable justice you ask? Last night was the first night we argued since Bec left.. I've been trying extremely hard to keep this nice relationship with my mum because I know shes stressed and despite how hard it is to cope with her at times I still do because she's my mum and I love her.. though.. now Becs back, I, the substitute is tossed away.. What was the argument about? Well after intense study I decided to take a night walk outside with a neighbour who's in the same grade as me.. and after that decided to chill the night with a movie back at his place since we don't have an exam the next day.. I came home a lil later than I should have but my mum starts calling me a slut!! Quote: "Why are you so cheap?! You are such a slut!!" ... BANG!!! My heart just shatters at that.. A mother.. can put down her daughter.. but to lower her to the standard of a slut? Does she not understand how much it can kill her daughter inside? I couldn't hold it any longer I snapped back Quote:"Me? Out of all people you can not call me a slut!! I am far from a slut!! Why did you call me a slut?! How can you degrade me to that level?!" Immediately after I ran into the toilet and locked myself in.. whilst I hear my mothers rages on the other side of the door.. endless tears streamed down my face.. I couldn't hold that pain any longer..

So my sister.. is the good one.. I lose to her in every way.. Even to the guy I love.. Today I was at UTS Library since 11am to 8pm at night.. He came to visit me.. however we didn't talk much since I was studying.. A few minutes after he gave me a call.. Thinking it was important.. Negative.. He was asking me what Bec's number was because he needs to look for her and it was urgent.. So.. even to him I lose against her.. But that's another story.. I came home after the long day of pure maths.. I left my keys at home.. so I rang the doorbell and my mum opens the door to only be welcomed by her cold glare and her ignoring me.. I noticed Bec wasn't home yet.. She too did not have keys when she came home and rang the doorbell.. Similarly my mum opened the door and welcomed her with warm conversations and hot soup and prepared fruit she already cut up.. You say Jealousy?! This time I'll admit it.. I am jealous.. but what have I done to deserve this injustice?

What else is she going to take from me?! I'm pretty much failing in my HSC because of the over stress I'm undergoing.. I really don't know how long I can hold up..

Sorry guys.. I really can't remain cheerful after today.. I've been smiling and cheerful to my friends today.. I'm absolutely wiped out >< Gotta go now.. I have a Mathematics Extension I exam early tomorrow.. Lets see how long I can hang on..

<3 Be.